Among some of the things Lalo left in boxes at my mother’s house throughout the years, I found a little notebook I gave him when he went to Medjugorje. The following are his travel notes. I have transcribed them exactly as he wrote them, with the exception of names, which I have omitted in favor of initials, which he himself used on most occasions. As you will find, they are in a combination of Spanish and English. The language he originally wrote in I have left in normal script. The translated material is, as usual, in italics.
S.

 November 14, 1993

FRANKFURT

Tired after a long journey, I couldn’t sleep on the plane. “Giddy” with the excitement of the flight. Joking with S. A woman, incredibly beautiful, distractions, wine, food, etc. At the same time, blown away about where I’m going. Mr. G, Mrs. D, Mrs. E absolutely convinced about the Virgin. Lunch at an Italian restaurant; very pleasant.

            Upon arriving at Frankfurt the cold from the North. I recognize it like an old friend (enemy). I enjoyed walking in the cold with the rain stinging me like cold needles, delicious. Europe with a very definite taste. Thinking of U. The end of the world? etc. etc. A certain sadness, lack of definition. What am I going to do with my life?

MEDJUGORJE    Nov. 17

I’ve been here three nights and two days. Many conflicting feelings and thoughts. I don’t like many of the “fanatical” activities but, on the other hand, strange things have happened. Yesterday I was touched by the Rosary, the children saying it and I wept. Mr. G, Mrs. D and E also conflict me; on the one hand, I think they feel and want to see their own desires. On the other hand, I respect them enormously and I think they have something special.

            The journey here was mind-boggling. They didn’t want to let us into Croatia. At last, we took the plane from Zagreb to Split; from there in a van to Medjugorje. Five checkpoints on the road – Soldiers in the night. Rocket launchers, etc. Dead tired at night, we eat dinner at 3-4 in the morning. We wake up at 9:30, I go down to breakfast. Cold, very cold. The mount of apparitions serene, strange, rocks, eroded stones, strange landscape, somewhat arid. Doubts, disappointment: naive people? Fanatical?

            Rosary with children, crying. Crazy New Yorker. Lies? I told S today in the morning, “I’m losing my faith” Medjugorje will serve me as an excuse to party like crazy. Rebelliousness? V. I just can’t make her out. Is she for real? I don’t know. She has a constant, contagious smile.

            After breakfast, Father G threw up. ??? He blessed me. I felt good. I’m going to see the Virgin…ludicrous?? Mr. G loses his temper easily with me. B… hoping for a job. I really like Mrs. D. She and Mrs. E are like little girls, laughing. Confessions at the blue cross with Father H. Adultery… What am I going to do about U? Forget her? Go on alone? What about ’94? Three days of darkness? Many contradictions. If Medjugorje is real, what about other apparitions, etc etc?

            Self-righteousness makes me sick. At times I can’t stand all these people. All of a sudden, Mrs. D. Now are you going to quit smoking pot?

            I’m confused, a little sad. At a definite crossroad. I miss, I long for other times. Help me Virgin Mary.

The Adoration…

I decided to go. I felt very identified with what Mr. G said. I understood something that wasn’t that way. Delicious cold, I enjoyed it. Extremely starry sky. Wonderful. Mr. G after 8. Long drawn out talk. I tell him all about my doubts. I feel much better. I need to find my way. My own way within the Faith. Help me Virgin Mary.